This article contains some of the best beer quotations on record, by some of the world’s most recognizable figures. They are certain to make you laugh.
But, as a prelude to enjoying the beer quotations cited below, I’d like to first share with you one of my favorite all-time quotes spoken by the late Jim Valvano in his legendary 1993 speech at ESPN’s ESPY awards where he said,
“To me there are three things everyone should do every day. Number one is laugh. Number two is think — spend some time time in thought. Number three, you should have your emotions move you to tears. If you laugh, think and cry, that’s a heck of a day.”
Laughter is not only good for one’s soul, as was so eloquently stated by Jimmy V, but sharing laughter with one’s friends at the local watering hole or elsewhere is a simple, yet great way to cure one’s ills.
So, in an attempt to make this world a happier place to live, please sit back and enjoy the following classic beer quotations!
BEER QUOTATIONS
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin
You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline – it helps if you
have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
Frank Zappa
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as
good as they’re going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Ernest Hemingway
You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean Martin
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W.C. Fields
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Oscar Wilde
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
Tom Waits
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Stephen Wright
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Dave Barry
An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen
naked women to get to a bottle of stout.
Unknown
Non-Drinker: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Ambrose Bierce
That’s the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something
bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.
Charles Bukowskoi
People who drink light ‘beer’ don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
A fine beer may be judged with only one sip, but it’s better to be thoroughly sure.
Czech Proverb quotes
I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night.
Greek proverb quotes
Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you’d step over
your own mother just to get one!
Homer Simpson
“What were they thinking? ‘It’s an alien apocalypse! Quick, grab the beer!”
Rick Yancey
“Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much
comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.”
Tom Robbins
“I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.”
Abraham Lincoln
“Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin;
whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!”
Martin Luther
“That’s right, there’s free beer in Irish paradise. Everyone’s jealous.”
Kevin Hearne
“Beer’s intellectual. What a shame so many idiots drink it.”
Ray Bradbury
“There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.”
Willie Nelson
“I don’t think I’ve drunk enough beer to understand that.”
Terry Pratchett
“I want a beer. I want a giant, ice-cold bottle of beer and shower sex.”
Nora Roberts
“A man who lies about beer makes enemies”
Stephen King
“Oh, this beer here is cold, cold and hop-bitter, no point coming up for air, gulp, till it’s all–hahhhh.”
Thomas Pynchon
“I’ve been to Australia. I’ve met the devil, drank beer and snogged kangaroos.”
Alan C. Martin
“Depth perception and beer obviously weren’t related.”
Katie McGarry
“I mulled over what he had told me as I savored the Scotch. Not bad, really — like a beer that’s been in a brawl.”
David Justice
“The letters in ‘Brace Beemer’ can be arranged to spell ‘Embrace Beer.'”
Dave Barry
“He was a wise man who invented beer.”
Plato
“I never met a pub I didn’t like.”
Pete Slosberg
“Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.”
Kaiser Welhelm
“This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption… Beer!”
Robin Hood
“Oh, lager beer! It makes good cheer, and proves the poor man’s worth; It cools the
body through and through, and regulates the health.”
Anonymous
“Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1962!”
Unknown
“Beer will always have a definite role in the diet of an individual and can be 
considered a cog in the wheel of nutritional foods.”
Bruce Carlton
“No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.”
John Churchill
“Make sure that the beer – four pints a week – goes to the troops under fire before any
of the parties in the rear get a drop.”
Winston Churchill
“An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger, or a beer.”
Confucius
“If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot
out your nose.”
Jack Handy
“The easiest way to spot a wanker in a pub is to look around and find who’s drinking a Corona with a slice of lemon in the neck.”
Warwick Franks
“They who drink beer will think beer.”
Washington Irving
“One of the hallmarks of the baby boomer generation is that it doesn’t live like the previous generation. It hasn’t yet given up jeans and T-shirts or beer.”
Ron Klugman
“Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry
into.”
Don Marquis
“Whoever serves beer or wine watered down, he himself deserves in them to drown.”
Medieval plea for pure libations
“Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.”
David Moulton
“…there is only one game at the heart of America and that is baseball, and only one beverage to be found sloshing at the depths of our national soul and that is beer.”
Peter Richmond
“Beer needs baseball, and baseball needs beer – it has always been thus.”
Peter Richmond
“Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working.”
Harold Rudolph
“Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire.”
David Rains Wallace
“I’m going to buy a boat… do a little travelling, and I’m going to be drinking beer!”
John Welsh (lottery winner)
“Beer: So much more than just a breakfast drink.”
Whitstran Brewery sign
“Who does not love beer, wine, women and song remains a fool his whole life long.”
Carl Worner
“I would give all my fame for a pot of ale and safety.”
Shakespeare
“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.”
Humphrey Bogart
“Everybody has to believe in something….I believe I’ll have another drink.”
W.C. Fields
“Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer.”
Henry Lawson
“God made yeast, as well as dough, and loves fermentation just as dearly as he loves vegetation.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Drunkenness does not create vice; it merely brings it into view.”
Seneca
“I work until beer o’clock.
Stephen King
“He that drinketh strong beer and goes to bed right mellow, lives as he ought to live and dies a hearty fellow.”
Anonymous
Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.
Anonymous
“Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.”
Anonymous
“A good local pub has much in common with a church, except that a pub is warmer, and there’s more conversation.”
Anonymous
“When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer.”
Dave Barry
“The nations of the West also have their own intoxicant, made from grain soaked in
water…Alas, what wonderful ingenuity vice possesses! A method has actually been discovered for making even water intoxicated.”
Pliny the Elder
“Never ask for ‘a beer’.”
Michael Jackson
“A bar is better than a newspaper for public discussion.”
Jim Parker
“Life, alas, is very dreary. Up with the glass! Down with the beer!”
Louis Untermeyer
“I’m off for a quiet pint – followed by fifteen noisy ones.”
Gareth Chilcott
“There is nothing for a case of nerves like a case of beer.”
Joan Goldstein
“A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.”
Jena Legg
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
Henny Youngman
“Hoppiness is Happiness.”
Victory Brewing Company
“I will make it a felony to drink small beer.”
Shakespeare
“Actually, I’m a drinker with writing problems.”
Brendan Behan
“Teetotaler’s lack the sympathy and generosity of men that drink.”
W.H. Davies
“I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.”
Miguel De Cervantes
“I do not drink more than a sponge.”
Rabelais
“I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only
with friends. I’ve lost 30 pounds.”
Ernest Hemingway
“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
George Burns
“The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.”
Richard Braunstein
“We’ll raise up our glasses against evil forces singin’: Whiskey for my men, and beer for our horses.”
Toby Keith and Willie Nelson